Stoned love story
by DoucheDealer666
Summary: A science loving boy understands that he has to save humanity from the devastating petrification. On his journey to rebuild civilisation with science he discovers the most illogical thing in the world, the emotion of love.


It was a calm afternoon with sunshine and no wind. For most of the people it seemed to just be one of these regular days. In a high school, which was located somewhere in Japan, was many students left at the school to participate in their clubs' after school activities. One of these clubs was a science club that, as predicted, focused on the subject of science. The one and only Master Senku, also known as just Senku, was the leader despite being the little freshman he was. Today a life changing experiment was scheduled after many efforts of gathering the right materials.

\- I won't get in any problems for that right? one of the clubs members asked Senku nervously.

\- What makes you think that? Senku responded while preparing.

\- I'm pretty sure masturbation isn't allowed at the school area, the member explained. Especially not during my last class either.

\- Relax, Senku tried to calm him. It was in the name of science. And I'm ten billion percent sure it was worth it if you unfortunately would happen to suffer from consequences.

\- If you say so, the member said and looked down in embarrassment.

\- Ok let's see, Senku said to himself. If I pour 40 milligrams of HIV positive blood and mix it with 69 milligrams of the miserable weeb semen I just required at 390 degrees Kelvin.

\- You should take precaution when handling blood that's positive, one of the other members pointsd out. Maybe latex gloves or something.

\- Why would I need to be cautious around my own blood? Senku asked. Dummy...

\- By the way, someone also said. Why did you need the energy drink?

\- Oh that one I needed because I need to stay extra focused, Senku explained while taking a sip from his RedBull. Aaah already better!

\- WAIT! the first member exclaimed. Why did you just put my semen in the trash for? I went through a lot of things to acquire that to you!

\- Did you seriously think this was a real experiment with semen? Senku asked and chuckled mischievously. I just wanted to see how petty you could get before ending up with a breakdown. Don't tell me you already reached your limits.

\- You know what? he said. I quit and will never come back to this club again. You're just using your position of power to get what you want. I'm out!

Senku reamins unbothered while the lil pussy leaves the room.

\- Maybe it was for the better I didn't tell him I also filmed the masturbation process and published it online, Senku told himself.

The rest of the members acted out of rage at his state and left as well. Alone Senku stood and took a few sips now and then to celebrate another accomplishment. Just when it was all chill Taiju, Senkus only "friend", entered the empty room.

\- Guess what, Taiju said excitedly. I'm going to confess to my crush in just a few minutes outside on the school yard. You know Yuzuriha.

\- No way, Senku said and slapped himself out of dissatisfaction. The girl who seriously is obsessed about the stupid kpop band BTS? Well thinking about it, a retard like you and her would make a wonderful couple.

\- So you believe she won't reject me? Taiju asked hopefully.

\- I'm ten billion percent sure she's going to love it if you sing a BTS song for her, Senku explained.

\- Really? Taiju asked. Guess I'll be googling the lyrics right away.

Taiju ran away and Senku decided to be an asshole and announce to the rest of the school of Taijus performance on the school yard. A few minutes pass and as expected Taiju was outside singing Korean shit. Senku happily filmed this to later post and to gain some cash from the internets next sensation. To be honest Yuzuriha looked impressed. After terrible singing from Taiju he confessed his feelings. Yuzuriha was just about to respond when a flash appeared and swooped the entire population so they turned into stone. No one had time to react before it happened and no one could really understand where this come from either. One thing was clear, and it was that the humanity was petrified.

Many years later...

Despite a long wait, many of the petrified humans kept well preserved. Of course some of them were brutally crushed stone statues but this wasn't the case for Taiju. All of a sudden the stone shell around Taijus body cracked open enabling him to move. He was no longer a stone. Although the stone was gone his vision was still blurred after of not using them for over thousands of years. He couldn't make out details but he was sure he saw Jesus standing in front of him. He appeared to drink some kind of beverage which Taiju assumed was holy water. Jesus also stood there moving his right arm and hand vigorously around his own crotch area. He must've prayed Taiju to life. There was reason to life after all.

\- Seems like spilling my homemade energy drink on stone peeps is reviving them, Jesus spoke.

Taiju recognised the voice and it sounded exactly like Senku.

\- Jesus why you sound like Senku? He asked still newly awake.

\- Idiot, He answered. I'm Senku. Get up and come back to your senses.

\- Oh, Taiju realised. Wait are you jerking off to me?

\- No, Senku said. I'm jerking off because after being a stone man I now on suffer from permanent rock hard boner syndrome. Maybe if I just pour some of this energy drink on it might do the trick like it did to you.

\- How did you get that? Taiju asked.

\- You mean the energy drink? I had to be creative and mixed bats urine and some other shit.

\- Ok, Taiju said.

Senku saw that his dick problems now has vanished and he know that this drink could provide some good outcomes in the future. He and Taiju might be the last people to be alive but Senku was determined to rebuild and lead humanity into a new civilisation.

"Lets make Senku great again." Senku thought.


End file.
